Nasewaupee: Tribe

     "A tribe is the people you feel compelled to share the last of your food with."This is the definition author and journalist Sebastian Junger gives when getting at the heart of what it means to be part of a tribe. How many people out there would you truly do this for? Or better yet, how many people that you know would give the last of their food to you? Survival scenario aside how many of us have have people we know we can count on when disaster strikes or heck even when a mild inconvenience strikes? If the car dies, or you need someone to watch the dogs for the weekend, or you tore your ACL and need help doing daily tasks... who can you call upon? Who is your tribe? Some of us have family members, or childhood friends, or college buddies, or close co-workers or some form of tight knit community that is intact and nearby that would come to our aide but for many people, including myself; we find ourselves often alone.
       Through this lens most of my adult life could be summed up as my search for that community, for that sense of belonging, for that tribe. I look back to the numerous groups I've tried to be a part of over these past few years - sports teams, community groups, religious groups, humanist groups, political organizations, service groups, hell even the Army via ROTC - all of it was done hoping that I might feel like I was a part of something or that perhaps I would stumble upon a cause, a purpose, a home, that would quell the restlessness in my soul. I tried doing what everyone else did but everywhere I went I felt out of place; I didn't share the same passions, the same goals, the same norms and values, dare I say the same culture - In desperation, I was trying to be something I wasn't, like attempting to force a puzzle piece into a place that it could not fit. I went to extreme lengths to try and belong, to find that deep meaningful connection and that community but all those efforts left me feeling even more isolated. The main issue was that I was looking for more than just a hobby to pass the time, or some club that met one hour a week, or to meet new acquaintances to make small talk with - I was sincerely looking to be a part of something bigger than myself, I was looking for something that is rare in modern society, I was looking for a real tribe; A group of people unified by their topography, their culture, their values, and their spirituality - that worked, played, and intentionally lived alongside each other - that struggled or thrived as one - that shared a connection so deep that they would share the last of their food with one another. 
      We are extremely privileged in modern society - from a survival perspective we have almost nothing to worry about. We don't have to grow or kill our own food and we will never starve or ever be hungry for that matter. We have reliable shelter that keeps us comfortable from the elements no matter where we live or what the conditions are outside. We have no real predators or enemies that we need to defend ourselves from. Even if we have a serious illness, a lifelong condition, or disability there are doctors and medical facilities nearby that can treat us and the most debilitating and destructive diseases among us have all but been eliminated through immunizations and vaccines. Every year there are more scientific discoveries and technological advances that make our existence that much easier and convenient. Indeed the landscape of modern society has become so secure and controlled that one merely needs to put in their time at work, in order to pay for these things, and their survival to old age is all but guaranteed - we have almost no physical hardship to endure if we so choose. Truly we hardly even have to interact with anyone or even leave our own homes to survive. The level of physical comfort that even the poorest in our society experience would be unimaginable a thousand years ago and the wealthiest people literally live the way gods were imagined to have. But this lifestyle runs counter to the way humans have existed for tens of thousands of years before us and it has its costs, starting with its toll on the global ecosystem and working its way down to its toll on the human psyche. Have we lost something through this predictable and secure lifestyle, something that technology cannot replace?
When the New World was being colonized by Europeans, the leaders witnessed a perplexing phenomenon. Colonists were dropping their possessions, leaving their homes, even their families in order to join native tribes. Even those individuals who had been kidnapped as adults by tribes and were later liberated would choose to remain with their captors as a part of the tribe rather than return to their families in civilization. The harsh, "savage," and unpredictable lifestyle of the tribe was chosen time and again over the amenities of modern European society. There are hundreds of documented cases such as this, of Europeans voluntarily joining natives, emulating them, marrying them, being adopted by them, and even fighting alongside them, with the character of the French courer des bois or fur trader being the classic example. Meanwhile there is not a single historical case of a native voluntarily joining European society, in fact nearly every case of abduction was met with individuals attempting to break away and rejoin their tribes. This is the popular story that has been brought to us in films such as Dances with Wolves, Dune, The Last Samurai, and Avatar where an individual is adopted by their enemy, realizes how misdirected their culture has become, and voluntarily changes sides in order to fight for what they see as just and right -and it is founded in historical fact, and dare I say human truth - that when presented this opportunity nearly all of us would do the same.

So what is so appealing about this tribal lifestyle that individuals would risk their lives for it and forsake everything they owned and knew in the process. Well for starters hunter gatherer tribes, generally speaking, were classless, egalitarian, autonomous societies in which equal rights were bestowed upon each individual; something we still have not achieved today. They were societies that allowed for relaxed clothing, relaxed religion, and sexual freedom and the majority of their days were spent at leisure with work lasting only a few hours a week. These are all gross generalizations but one universal truth among all of these tribes across the globe is that one would have almost never been alone in this environment. Everything was done as a community for the common good and the survival of the tribe - from gathering food, to raising kids, to fighting alongside one another - and thus this bred an extreme loyalty to the group. Those who did not live out the values and thus threatened the tribe were swiftly punished by being shunned or banished. In this way greed, corruption, betrayal, and murder were unknown. The cost was the unpredictability of survival - threats of starvation, disease, the elements, predators, inter tribal conflict (just to name a few).

Compare this setup for example to the strict societal confines of 17th Century Puritan society and its no wonder why people would have fled to join these tribes despite the lack of material comfort and security. Here we are in 2017 and I know that if there were actual tribes to still run away to the same phenomenon of defectors would repeat itself again. The privileges of technology and modern convenience can only take us so far in comparison to the emptiness so many people feel in our society. We can live like gods and yet when it comes to societal practices I still see a fractured class structure that has us utterly divided by race, sex, age, religion, and any other category that can be imagined, I see intentional irreversible damage being done to our planet (and we can plead ignorance no longer), I see spiritual homelessness among all people, I see the abuse of justice as the greatest criminals of our society walk free and are financially rewarded for their crimes (corrupt government officials/politicians being paid off by companies for political favors, CEO's taking bonuses for themselves in the midst of bankruptcy, companies exploiting the environment and their workers for financial gain), I see isolation and sadness (ever increasing rates of PTSD, depression, and suicide especially in our young people), I see men and women working 3 jobs 50 hours a week while their children are raised by strangers - This is the pinnacle of civilization? In terms of affluence, of material wealth, of technological innovation we've never been richer, there's been no time in history where people have lived so comfortable a life, and we're still climbing. But in terms of a functioning cohesive society and it's values we are poor indeed. We have lost the way...

We have been misled; our values misplaced. Happiness lies not in beauty, money, possessions, or status but rather in living in authenticity, having a deep purpose, and feeling a sense of belonging. Our culture has us working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need. Spending our days working away from our friends and our families so that we can fill up an empty house with pointless possessions or add another zero to a bank account. Take a look at our celebrities and those most praised and celebrated in our society and how do they most often end up - divorced, drug addicted, depressed, and dead - why do we aspire to this when we know what the endless pursuit of wealth and power will lead to. One cannot truly measure happiness but one can measure mental illness and rates of trauma- and this, unsurprisingly, shares a direct correlation with affluence and urbanization. We're richer than we've ever been before and we are also more depressed (1 in 10 Americans are on anti-depressants) and we're killing ourselves at record rates (25/100,000). PTSD has also been steadily increasing (3.5% among the general population) and is at a record high in our troops at 20% (despite the fact that combat engagements have drastically fallen each successive year since the Vietnam years). So we are in need of cultural healing indeed. All of this on top of the effect our lifestyle has had on the natural world, and this only adds to the weight of the crisis at hand. But there are no tribes to run away to and there are too many people on this earth for us to return to the hunter gatherer lifestyle. What we can do is first recognize the shortcomings of this culture while acknowledging the benefits of the tribal societies that sustainably existed for tens of thousands of years before us. We can shift our values accordingly - reject consumerism, give up our wealth, our comfort, our stresses, our shackles -that we might trust and depend upon our fellow man once again, that we might be sovereign, that we might raise our own children, that we might have a relationship with the land, that we might do more than merely exist, that we might live, that we might thrive, that we might be happy, that we might be human once more.

Nostalgia for what once was, idealism for what could be, cynicism for what is - I am guilty of all three but I assure you I am rooted in the real world and I have hope because what I have failed to mention thus far is that I have experienced the existence of the tribe in my own life and I bet you have too.
         I've caught glimpses of this tribal feeling in a multitude of settings. From small town living on the west coast, to a summer camp in northern Wisconsin, to a cross country bike trip, to a cross country canoe program, to excursions in the wilderness (both personal and professional), to service trips abroad - some of these tribes were found in urban environments, others in remote locations - some tribes included a mere three people while others had over one hundred - some included complete strangers while others included members of my family - some lasted for months while others lasted for little more than a week - some I was paid to be a part of while others I sacrificed finances to join. What they all had in common though was delivering that sense of fulfillment and purpose, that sense of belonging, of being a real member of a community, of feeling truly happy and authentic- where my thoughts, words, and actions all aligned in my existence. These were environments where we depended upon one another every day, where we could literally not operate or function without each member - these were groups that existed largely apart from society, where we established our own norms and values - our own culture - and the stresses of modern existence simply ceased to exist because we were no longer a part of it. Where it didn't matter whether we we were cold or hungry or really whether we had anything at all because we had each other. We were never alone, we lived, played, laughed, cried, suffered, and thrived as one - for better or for worse we were a tribe. But as I mentioned before all these tribes, and all these feelings were temporary - ephemeral - eventually our mission would be completed, our destination reached, our season ended and we would all quietly leave and rejoin society once again. (The following is a video I made two years ago describing the places I felt a sense of home at - it still applies today).       

      Anyone who has traveled to a developing country or a third world country will almost always share the same universal principle that they have learned from their travels. Whether it be India, Sierra Leonne, Peru, or in my case the small towns and villages in the Dominican Republic that border Haiti one will find that although the people here have nowhere near the physical comfort or level of wealth that we have they are the most generous and sincerely happy people you have ever met in your life. Why is this always the case? Why are people that have so little, that have one set of clothes, that sometimes go hungry, that share a single room with their entire family, that have no electricity, no vehicles, no opportunity to attain wealth, no connection to the larger world so content? Well the truth is these people do have something; something that we desperately lack - a sense of community and place, where close knit friends and family are an integral part of every facet of daily life - where there are no strangers - where each individual is valued, where there is such a solidarity that you get the sense they would share the last of their food with any among them, even you. True, they don't have much but they have each other, which is more than most of us can say. Juxtaposed to the American lifestyle; more correctly my lifestyle, and you can see how the culture shock can take a toll on one's psyche - can force one to reexamine everything they have ever been told by society - everything they have ever been taught about success and happiness. I am living the American Dream - I have abundant wealth (compared to most people in the world hell even the States), I have a house, I have a car, I have a college education, I have my health, I can go anywhere and do anything I choose, I have ultimate freedom, but I have no community that needs me, no attachment to person or place, I have no tribe.

        This fall I felt more alone than I've felt in years. Lack of meaningful human contact will drive us insane, and casual small talk at the check out counter and at work just didn't do it, there were days even weeks where I did not have a real conversation with anyone. I felt misunderstood, I felt lost, I felt myself existing in a prolonged state of culture shock. I wanted to pick up and move again - as I've done in the past when these feelings of despair and isolation come over me. I just wanted to run; run to something that would promise me the opportunity to feel like I was part of a tribe once again. I considered internships on permaculture farms, adventure jobs in the wilds of Alaska or the Everglades of Florida, and even just getting in my car or on my bicycle and traveling across the country until I found something again... but when it came to what would best satiate the restlessness and alienation of my soul my thoughts returned to wilderness therapy and my experience in Utah two years ago. 

      Wilderness therapy is a a form of treatment in which individuals dealing with trauma and a range of emotional, developmental, and relational struggles receive traditional individual and group therapy sessions in the context of a ten week wilderness expedition. Why does wilderness therapy work? We remove individuals completely from modern society and isolate them in an unfamiliar environment; ie the desert, the mountains, the forest, where they do not have any distractions or access to the people or substances that caused them harm. These clients are placed in intentional groups ranging from four to eight individuals who will camp, hike, cook, laugh, cry, struggle, survive, and thrive together. As far as society is concerned we don't even really exist because there is no connection to the outside world - no news, no politics, no sports, heck we don't even acknowledge the date or time - out there we only have ourselves and our relationships with one another to focus on. We operate on our own terms with our own norms and values - our religion, our political views, our socio-economic status, our background - it doesn't really matter; we're just people in search of healing. On a daily basis we openly talk about our feelings, our struggles, our trauma. Add in therapy sessions with expert therapists and the immersion into beautiful wilderness settings and one can understand why this formula works - we become attuned to the natural environment, to each other, and most importantly to ourselves. 

         I spent six months working with one such wilderness therapy program in Utah and have now again begun working for another wilderness therapy program here in Wisconsin. As a staff I am not completely insulated from the outside world and I do not receive "therapy" but just existing in that communal structure and being immersed in that natural environment is therapeutic. I think it speaks to how we're wired and how we are supposed to exist as humans. Depression, mental illness, suicide - these are things that do not exist in hunter gatherer tribes - and these are the things that we are healing when we emulate a tribe in the context of wilderness therapy. The clients we see are victims of a modern society in which they are unable to find connection, unable to feel safe, unable to feel loved, unable to find worth, unable to heal. Unfortunately when it comes to the sickness in our society wilderness therapy merely addresses the "symptoms" and not the cause - for every individual we help to heal and return to society there are dozens more out there slowly falling into addiction, depression, or choosing to take their own lives. Modern society will continue to churn out wounded individuals which is "good" for therapeutic programs but not good for humanity. We need a permanent alternative to this culture; not just a temporary break from it.
        As far as my own story, I have found a tribe once again, for now. But I know that I need something outside of that context; a tribe without an end date. I need a group of people who share my beliefs and values in living intentionally, simply, and sustainably - individuals I'd be willing to share the last of my food with - those people are out there, I've encountered them across the country and even here in Northeast Wisconsin - some of them might be reading this right now - I've got the vision. I've got the land. I just need my people. I just need my Tribe.  

  For those who are shaking their heads and calling me radical or crazy, I hear you, believe me, but these thoughts have been stirring in my head for nearly a decade now and are culminating in this writing. I know I probably just need some more friends or something else to do with my time other than question the morality and future of this culture and/or the human species and the world but as I stated; happiness is being authentic to oneself, feeling purposeful, and feeling connected to others. This is my authentic self. These are the deepest beliefs that I hold at the core of my being - this culture is destructively toxic to the human spirit and every other species - this is my truth. This is my purpose - to take my place in reversing the adverse effects of modern society and create a new path towards healing, sustainability, and joy for all life on the planet. The people I feel most deeply connected to share my sentiment - my rejection of this society and its values- this shared rejection is my connection to others. I hope you'll join me. 

         My experiences have shown me that Eden is not a place but rather a state of being: of feeling authentic, of having a deep purpose and connection with those around you. A physical paradise without a community means nothing to me. Meanwhile suffering physically, being cold, homeless, or hungry in the company of those I love are some of the fondest memories I have...

Nasewaupee: Pokemon NO

     

"I know more about Pokemon than I do about the plants and animals that surround me" I wish I couldn't take credit for this quote but these are my words and I uttered them some two years ago to one of my co-workers as I was traveling on the east coast as an outdoor educator. On this particular day I was tasked with taking a group of two dozen eight year olds on a nature hike along the shore of the Anacostia river and it was during this walk when the kids incessantly kept asking me the question of "what's this" or "why is that" as only curious eight year olds can, that I realized I respected the natural world and I enjoyed being in it but I didn't know much of anything about it in terms of flora and fauna. In many ways I was still an eight year old. Those years of youth when my brain was a sponge and I should've been learning about these plants and animals and the important roles they play in the ecosystem I instead spent playing Pokemon Blue, Silver, and Sapphire on my Game Boy. I could tell you all about where to find a Slowpoke, what level Haunter learns Dream Eater, how to evolve your Magikarp into a Gyrados, or what set of Pokemon would best serve you to beat the Elite Four and ironically even as a 24 year old man, a decade and a half later, I can still answer most of those questions because it was that ingrained in me as a child. But I couldn't tell those kids what type of tree that was, or how long the ducklings stayed with their mother, or what grasshoppers ate, or how many types of fish lived in the river. I was their teacher and I didn't have the answers, because I grew up learning about fictional creatures in a fictional world instead of the real ones in my backyard.
         To be honest I feel like I wasted much of my childhood, adolescent years, and even some of my young adult years due to video games. I remember spending upwards of eight hours in a single day playing strategy games like Age of Empires or Civilization without ever leaving my house, or heck without ever leaving my basement. We'd go on family trips and travel the country to different National Parks like Yellowstone and the Redwoods but thanks to Pokemon and my Game Boy even some of those experiences took a back seat to video games. I remember in high school the highlight of my week being that I completed a quest in World of Warcraft... hard to believe right? If it wasn't for my brother, sometimes physically unplugging my gaming systems, and forcing me to go on adventures with him, I might still be that same lost soul today. It took real adventure, real risk, real challenge, and real engagement of my senses to pull me away from those fictional worlds and give me an appreciation for the real one. Navigating off trail, cliff jumping, swimming across lakes, cooking over an open fire, biking cross country, guerrilla camping; these are the things that saved me because when you live your life like a hero out of an adventure story, there's no need to vicariously live another life via a screen. I was more or less a client of wilderness therapy (before I ever knew what it was) and in many ways I still am. The wilderness changed my perspective on reality; it gave me a new lens with which to view the world and it's only been the last few years that I feel like I've begun to fully live out this life I've been given, a life where I spend more time outside engaging with the natural world and my fellow man than trying to escape it via television and video games.

       If we believe a virtual world is more exciting than our present existence then it's easy to fall into the trap of video game and tv addiction. I don't blame anyone for this because those are the same reasons I fell into video games. "Green Bay sucks, there's nothing to do, I'm bored," this was my rationale, this was my excuse for my behavior, this was my dull perspective. If you make no effort to seek out excitement or to take risks or if you fail to recognize the beauty and wonder of your fellow man and your surrounding landscape then naturally these electronic forms of entertainment are going to be your likely choice for activities. I get it, we all need to decompress and take a break every now and then but the danger of this allure to screens and fictional living; is that we forget about the real world - we neglect relationships and allow our communities to fall apart as we learn more about the emotions and feelings of our favorite characters and actors than we do about the people who live in the next room or across the street, we fail to develop talents and skills or pursue our passions because it's easier to develop a character in a fantasy world than to turn our fantasies into realities, and we passively stand by in the face of environmental degradation and injustice because we'd rather play the role of a hero in a game, than be a real one in this world. I say all of this from experience.
             We've got a whole lot of serious issues that we are facing as a culture that will need solutions in our lifetimes. Issues such as deforestation, the erosion of our top soils, the acidification of our oceans, the pollution of our air, the contamination of our drinking water, the over-consumption of vital resources, an obesity epidemic, rampant drug abuse, depression, and government corruption, - just to name a few. For many people these issues aren't even on their radar because watching reruns of The Bachelor or playing Call of Duty is more relevant to their lives, or so they think. We need more people in this world who have a connection to their communities and the land with which they live upon, more people who are willing to actively fight for positive change (environmentally and socially), and more people who are conscious and awake in a world where it's becoming ever easier to turn on the TV and turn ourselves off. We need more heroes and less zombies.

          Pokemon GO came out a little over a month ago and I see another generation falling into the same pattern as I did. Learning more about Pokemon rather than those wildflowers or that bird they just walked by. Wasting time and energy on something that will ultimately yield nothing for the betterment of themselves, their communities, or the environment. Sure with this new game you're walking, and maybe you can interact with your fellow players, but are you really engaged? Is that why I almost ran you over when you crossed the street without looking up from your phone? I often hear men my age tell me that the reason they still play video games like Pokemon is because it's their escape from a world they find negative or stressful. Well then I challenge you to be a real man and change your world instead of turning your back on it. Yeah the news likes to remind us of how much the world sucks and I won't deny that we are facing tons of problems, because we are, but this is a beautiful world we have and it is worth fighting for, and that fight won't be won if you don't help. We need more men and less zombies. The kids are watching; what kind of role model are you? 

           I'm passing judgment and I realize I'm getting very preachy but the voice you hear is the voice of my twenty four year old self reaching back to that little eight year old in Green Bay who turned his Game Boy on for the first time to play Pokemon Blue. I want to tell him to go outside, to run around with the neighborhood kids, to talk to his Grandpa, to put down the controller and pick up the guitar, to listen to his sister, to follow his brother and bike to far off lands, to watch the birds and eat Dandelions, and most importantly to smash in the TV and toss that Game Boy in the trash. Trust me you'll thank me in                                          sixteen years...
          Am I perfect in living out my own ideals, no. It took me seeing a horde of kids aimlessly wandering the streets staring at their phones trying to catch Pokemon for me to realize I still didn't know much about the species in my backyard. The same day I came to this realization and once again uttered those words of the opening quote from above I took my field guide and headed to the State Park to start a real adventure in discovering the life that's all around me. I struggled, but I successfully identified a few species - wild bee balm, white baneberry, the Blue Fronted Dancer damselfly. Learning to read the natural landscape and identify species with a field guide is like trying to learn a new language with a pocket dictionary. So I got help. I utilized my local library and searched the internet. I found books on mushrooms, and wild edibles, as well as literature on wild medicinals, all written for foragers in the Great Lakes regions. Online I found a host of youtubers who posted in depth videos about common wild edibles that you can easily collect from your own backyard or from a stroll down a country road. I read the books and watched the videos, I was filled with knowledge and ready to put it to the test.
   

   My first time looking for mushrooms and I found a patch of edible black trumpets along with turkey tail, not to mention a multitude of beautiful, but poisonous, gilled mushrooms along the forest floor. It's strange how once you become conscious of something's existence you find it everywhere. So many mushrooms! And that's just the beginning. As I turned my gaze to the plant life in my yard I was amazed to find a host of edible plants - those white flowered plants blooming along every roadside in Door County right now- that's Queen Anne's Lace, also known as wild carrot - dig that up, there's a tap root that looks and tastes like a carrot (it's a little late in the season now, but now you know for next year, how cool is that!?). Oh and those bull thistles that are everywhere, you can eat those roots too, along with the mid ribs of the leaves but wait until fall to dig those up. Oh and don't get me started on Dandelions. These things are a super food! Why pay top dollar for organic spinach from a grocery store when you can be eating wild Dandelion greens from your backyard that are more nutritious and free? Why have we been trying to eradicate these things!? Vitamin K, Vitamin A, Vitamin C, Calcium, Iron, and Antioxidants (just in the greens) not to mention that you can make coffee from roasting the roots and eat the flowers too! And Staghorn Sumac, that crazy looking tree that looks like it belongs in the African Savannah, you can harvest those red fruit clusters and make some

amazing sumac-ade (tastes like fresh lemonade but without the need for sugar). Then there's Plantain, no not the banana looking thing, I mean the herb that's growing in your backyard right now, no seriously, look at this image and go check your lawn, it's there and it's awesome. Anti-microbial, anti-fungal, anti-bacterial, anti-inflammatory - get some leaves and make yourself a tea or a poultice to enjoy the health benefits of this plant. I could go on... I'm just scratching the surface of what I've discovered in the last two weeks and I'm already seeing the world differently - Sumac are suddenly springing up everywhere along with all the other species I've identified (funny how a landscape that was once so familiar can look so different once you have a name and a search image for the flora that inhabit that place). 

Yellow Garden Spider
  (Beautiful but definitely creepy)
Found... in my garden

      There are now over 700 Pokemon that you can catch. Exciting isn't it, that's 550 more than when I was a kid. Well, there are over 2,500 plants and vertebrates alone in Wisconsin, not to mention thousands of more invertebrates, that you can identify. Some are poisonous, some can fight cancer and cure other maladies, some you can domesticate, some you can eat, some you can use for shelter, some are magnificently beautiful, some are scary, some are extremely rare, others can be found anywhere. Once you start opening your eyes to the diversity of life that surrounds you, there's no reason to try and escape this present reality. There's so much to learn and do that there's not even time for video games or television. Boredom is simply not recognizing the opportunity for discovery and adventure that awaits you if you merely took the initiative to pursue it. I regret having wasted so much of my valuable time on such pointless and frivolous entertainment. I wish I had learned these lessons sooner in life... but it's never too late to become who you might've been. 

          I'm heading out to the woods tomorrow to help lead a camp for a dozen or so kids. I hope I can share some of the knowledge I've learned, I hope I can give them at least one connection with nature that will change their perspective, I hope I can inspire them to want to learn more, and I hope this time around I can better answer their questions because I'm starting to change the tide and know more about the real plants and animals in my life than the fictional ones.  

Nasewaupee: In Search of My Ideal Job

"I want a job I never need a vacation from." I have no fantasies or delusions about never working. A life spent without work where I was lazing around, sleeping in, playing video games, watching tv, and doing nothing with my time would give me absolutely no enjoyment, in fact it would be the death of me; depression would no doubt be a result of such circumstances. No, I need work in my life because I know I am at my best when I am busy and when I am serving a purpose. When I say a "job I don't need a vacation from" I'm saying that I merely desire a job that doesn't leave me stressed, empty, and cold at the end of each day - where thoughts of Friday are on my mind the minute Monday begins or where two weeks of vacation will be the only highlight of my entire year. Our work is our lives; in many ways it defines us. It's no wonder that one of the first questions upon an introduction is "what do you do" and our response has the ability to make or break relationships. Many of us spend more time at work than we do at home, we spend more time with co-workers than we do with our own families, some of us have spent or will spend years or even decades working for the same company. Needless to say the nature of our work holds enormous power over the direction of our lives. What we choose to do and who we choose to do it for says a lot about who we are and what we value. For some people a job is a job, it pays the bills and that's that; however for me, I intend to be intentional as possible in the work I choose to do.
I was asked in a recent interview to describe my ideal job. Some people know exactly what it is

they want to do, they have that dream job that they've had their eyes set upon since they were six years old and they are slowly working their way toward it, I applaud those people and in my own way I am jealous at the simplicity of their lives and their desires. My dream job when I was a kid was to be a knight (If only we had a Medieval Times in NE Wisconsin). So the rest of us are on a complicated journey toward an unknown destination with a map that is missing pieces. Each successive job takes us down a new path and each experience sheds a little more light on where it is we're headed and helps answer the question of "is this the direction I want to go." There's still a lot of blank spots on my map and my final destination remains unclear but I do know a few things about my ideal job.
First, I need purpose in my role. I need work that demands the best from me, that challenges me and is dynamic enough to keep me from becoming bored or complacent. I need a job that keeps me engaged where I feel as though I am continually learning and developing as an individual.
Second, I need that challenging role to be within a purposeful company or workplace. I need to know that my actions and my hard work are making a tangible difference for the betterment of the world and not merely bringing in more money for an owner or investors. I need to be proud of my work in both the results of my labor and in who I am working for.
  Third I need this challenging altruistic job to be in a physical environment that I find beautiful and aesthetically pleasing. A cubicle or even a corner office with a view is not going to cut it. I need to be outdoors or at least have frequent access to nature during the course of my job.
Fourth, I need community within my work. I don't want co-workers, I want comrades. If these are the people that I am going to spend 40+ hours a week with then we need to be at a place where we can talk about deeper things than sports and the weather. I need to be with like minded individuals who share the same dreams I do. I need to inspire and be inspired.
Fifth, I need my work to provide me a basic standard of living and a reasonable work/life balance. I'm not looking for a lot in terms of a salary, I intend to always live simply and never go beyond my means but there's also nothing romantic or glorious about living in abject poverty and wondering if you can afford groceries or to see a doctor. Also the ability to visit one's family, work somewhat regular hours, and be given time off or have the ability to take time off for important life events is an ever more significant factor when I take a job.
I've been dabbling in different realms over the years trying to find work that gives me the right balance between these needs. Whether it has been work as a camp counselor, an autism counselor, a detention center volunteer, an outdoor educator, a therapy guide, a trail guide, or a teacher I am proud of the work I've done and these jobs have all helped me find my way and get me closer to my destination. The constant over the years of all the jobs I've held is working with youth as an educator/mentor in alternative environments outside of the classroom. This isn't something that I outright planned from a resume building standpoint but rather is simply the type of work to which I've been drawn to because it best fills those needs that I stated above. I've had meaningful work, with good people, in beautiful places...

My ideal job would therefore be a synthesis of the experiences I've had thus far. The challenge and purpose of a wilderness therapy field guide, mentoring young men through addiction, depression, abuse, and a host of other issues that we all face in our lives and seeing them transform over the course of the program into responsible, strong, thoughtful men; combined with the beautiful environment I experience as a trail guide and outdoor educator working in the northwoods of WI and MN on the lakes of the Boundary Waters or the waterways of the St. Croix, Namekagon, and Mississippi; then mixed with the community of summer camp and canoemobile where I lived, played, and worked alongside a team of caring and fun loving comrades over the course of several weeks; and finally blended with the work/life balance and standard of living of working as a counselor for young men with autism at a group home that was close enough to bike to, allowed me to pick my own hours, let me go home at the end of the day, provided me a living wage, and had the potential for long term career opportunities. I don't know if such a job exists - a year round quasi wilderness therapy day camp located at my convenience in NE Wisconsin - but as of this writing I'm actively searching for something resembling it.

My plan for the summer and early fall was to work as a kayak guide in the tourism industry of Door County, yet another position that would mesh well into the evolution of positions I have had over the years and give me a new perspective on the outdoor industry. I knew going into the season that working purely with tourists as opposed to urban youth or even camp kids was not going to leave me with the same warm feeling or sense of purpose as past jobs but it was a compromise for the work/life balance that would allow me to go home and still give me an adventure and afford me the opportunity to become a more skilled paddler. Like most jobs I take on, I put in my full effort into becoming the best that I could be at my position. I wrote my own scripts for every tour location and had them set up in a way to deliver the most amount of information in the most relevant and entertaining way possible. I went to the library weekly, reading books, watching documentaries, and educating myself on all things Door County from geography, to explorers, to shipwrecks, to fish, to restaurant recommendations, to the modern day economy. I reconciled the fact that I would mostly be paddling with wealthy tourists instead of kids by acknowledging that people of all ages, classes and backgrounds need environmental education, and the added bonus that my position was now tip-able and I could be paid additional money based on my service didn't hurt either. In addition to the American Canoe Association trip leader training I also had access to sea kayaks on my time off to explore and sharpen my skills. I came into the season rusty at best in terms of kayaking but after our staff training and a few independent paddling sessions I felt fully confident in my abilities to kayak for the summer. I even taught myself how to consistently roll! I was ready for the season but my left shoulder wasn't.
Only three weeks into the season and I started developing a constant dull pain on the front side of my left shoulder that worsened as I paddled. Being a typical twenty something year old guy, I told myself that my arm was just sore and that I could paddle through whatever this was. A week after the pain started and I was barely able to lift a frying pan or brush my hair without having shots of pain radiate down the length of my left arm. The doctor told me I had bicipital tendonitis, an inflammation of the biceps tendon that occurs from a lifetime of normal activities (which at the age of 24 is simply not possible) or from repetitive overhead motions in sports such as swimming, tennis, or baseball. Cases of this in kayakers are rare and usually only occur after years of paddling, not weeks. In the days and weeks leading up to the injury and the week of the injury the only routine physical thing I did was lift boats and paddle. It's the only explanation for my shoulder injury and yet it still makes no sense how I could go from being perfectly healthy to being quasi helpless in terms of the use of my left arm in a matter of days. The doctor didn't have answers for me either. When I asked if I could paddle again this season he told me he didn't know. He gave me an anti inflammatory steroid, told me to take ibuprofen routinely until the pain went away, and to stretch my shoulders more if possible. Luckily as quick as the pain came it dissipated. A few days after seeing the doctor I was riding my bike again, doing yoga, and gardening as if I never had this injury in the first place. Yet I was still shocked and a bit afraid at the notion that this had happened to me and could happen to me again seemingly without warning since I still don't have a logical explanation as to how this occurred.
Collectively my supervisor, boss, and I decided that I should take a break from paddling until I have a better understanding of how my shoulder is operating. As of now I'm done for the season but if I can get cleared from a doctor and paddle without pain there's a chance I can come back. I plan on doing a "rehab" paddle with my parents' kayak soon to see if paddling aggravates my arm again. I'm bummed out that I got sidelined before the season really got going and that I had to start job searching two months sooner than I had anticipated but everything happens for a reason right? So I'm still searching for something resembling that ideal job and in the meantime I found work as a waiter at a fancy new restaurant in town. My first day of work is tomorrow and I'm excited since I've never really worked in the restaurant industry before aside from Five Guys' and my stint at Ziggy's Kitchen in Mexico neither of which resemble work in high class dining. It's new, I'm sure it'll be initially challenging (I've got over 40 wines to get familiar with), it's not that purposeful (eh), it's in a aesthetically pleasing restaurant (when compared to most offices but most certainly not as beautiful as Lake Michigan), I may have the opportunity to work with some good people (we'll see, I don't truly know my new co-workers yet), and it'll allow me the option to bike to work, have more flexibility with my schedule, and earn some "serious cash" (as told to me by experienced waitstaff). Like I said, this ain't the final destination but maybe this will shed some more light on that map and give me some connections that'll bring me closer to landing that job I never need a vacation from.

Practicing my wine presentation

Journal Entry June 6th, 2016

Lake Michi-Huron is the largest lake in the world by surface area, and along with Superior, Eerie, and Ontario they contain nearly 85% of the freshwater in the United States, and have enough volume to cover the continental US in under 10 feet of water; capable of waves greater than 30 feet and sinking hundreds of ships throughout history the term "lakes" really shouldn't be used to describe them - these are inland seas. Vast, beautiful, powerful entities that define our region (and holding 20% of the world's fresh surface water) they define our world. I'm blessed and proud to have Lake Michi-Huron as my office for the summer as I enter a season of kayak guiding for the Door County Adventure Center. Water is life and I get to spend every day on it and in it! There's no resource more valuable. I want to use my influence as a guide this summer to strike this point home. These are our waters, and in a world where drought is a growing threat, and the future conflicts will be over water rather than oil, we need to protect them, not just for us, but for all life.

Nasewaupee: A Place to Call Home

                
        "You only hate the road when you're missing home." These are lyrics from Passenger that are as catchy as they are true; at least for me. I ended my last blog briefly touching on some of the crazy experiences I've had these past few years. I've lived out of a car, out of a bike trailer, and out of a backpack and spent more nights in the houses of strangers or beneath the stars than I have in places that I called my own. I don't hate the road. In fact I know I will need to visit her again for I believe traveling and experiencing new people and places is essential to the human condition. But there comes a time when you want to just slow down and actually have a place to return to at night, a place where you can host friends and family, a place to experiment and learn, a place to invest yourself in, a place to call home. 
           Getting "home" was a tale all in itself. A nearly 24 hour journey from Chiapa de Corzo to Green Bay Wisconsin by plane, train, foot, and by car. The airports hadn't changed much in my 5 months away. The lines were still long, there was still no smiling, and the TSA was still horribly incompetent. I was flagged going through security in Mexico City for having a 2 inch allen wrench in my guitar case (used to tighten the neck of the guitar) that I was told could be used as a weapon. Using an allen wrench in a fight or as a murder weapon would be a disadvantage and more of a challenge then simply having the use of your hands. Anyway, I gave them the wrench, passed through security, and entered the terminal where a construction crew had left all their tools unattended for a renovation project. So I had just given up an allen wrench because it was a deadly weapon and here was an array of hammers, nails, and screw drivers sitting on the floor with no one watching that I could easily pocket and bring on board if I so chose. Then I went to a restaurant nearby my gate for dinner and was handed a knife with my meal. A Knife! The restaurant was so busy that I could have easily slipped it into my backpack or taken a knife from another persons plate when they had finished their meal. The good ole TSA keeping us safe and confiscating random items that take a stretch of the imagination to be seen as deadly while simultaneously offering passengers real weapons after the security screening. Ironically, I was the lone passenger ordered to go through a secondary screening at my gate; perhaps they were reading my thoughts at how easy it would be to smuggle these new items onto the plane. Other than my disdain with airport security the trip went off without a hitch. Upon re entering the States it was so interesting to navigate a transportation system where I understood everything - following signs, getting directions, buying tickets, and ordering a cheeseburger is so much easier when you speak the language. It's safe to say I have zero fear of traversing anywhere in the States now after traveling a bit around Mexico. 

          So I mentioned in my La Joya post how I wanted to be more like Arturo, having a place to call my own where I could eventually teach volunteers skills in sustainability or at least offer friends or weary travelers a roof and my hospitality. Well I've been given an amazing opportunity; property. 40 acres just outside of Sturgeon Bay complete with a barn, pole barn, garage/workshop, farmhouse, wetlands, and tillable land. I'm renting, but at an affordable price since I "know" the owners and I've already made a few commitments and investments that mean I'm probably going to be here for a few years. The high cost of land is the number one barrier keeping folks from moving to the country and pursuing the lifestyle they dream of. With student debt and the state of the job market many folks my age can barely afford to rent a 500 square foot apartment let alone rent or purchase 40 acres of land, for most it's a dream that can't be realized until they're well into their 40's or hell even until they're retired. I'm 24 and I'm getting the opportunity to pursue this lifestyle. I am blessed.

           It's not an operational farm (there's a local farmer who has been growing corn on the tillable acreage for the last few years but it hasn't been a true functioning farm for more than two decades, if not longer). This means there are no animals (other then the sandhill cranes, cotton tails, and barrel of dead raccoons that the farmer poisoned) and the barn is in dire need of repair (broken windows, doors off the hinges, and boards missing from the walls). So no this is not the picturesque door county farm, at least not yet. To put it simply, there is work to be done. I've got a list of projects; a list that I know will take years or even decades to achieve. These are lofty dreams and things may change, I may be out of here in a few years but right now I'm happy to know I'm going to be staying in the same place for more than a few weeks or months and that I have somewhere to invest my time and energy into. 

Barrel o'coons

All recycled material compost bin

         Start by doing what is necessary, then do what is possible, and soon you will be doing the impossible. These words are what I tell myself to keep me grounded. So in the month of May I've taken care of some of those necessary items. Getting some broken pipes fixed to have access to water, filling the propane tank and getting access to heat and hot water, cleaning a house that was empty for the last six years, finding an internet provider in an internet dead zone, purchasing furniture and housewares from thrift shops across NE Wisconsin, and making this place comfortable and livable. Taking care of those necessary items has allowed me to already pursue some of my "possible" goals. I gathered some scrap wood from a neighbor, found some old farm posts, and picked out a spot in the lawn so I'm ready to build my outdoor compost bin. It was frustrating to be in Mexico and realize that most people had no concept of composting, it's even more frustrating to be in the States and realize that people here still have no concept of composting! Part of living in the country is being resourceful and repurposing everything you have to the point where the idea of "waste" doesn't even exist. I've been on enough farms to realize that every farmer is more or less a hoarder because you never know when you might need that bucket of rusty nails or those 40 empty peanut butter jars. So composting directly falls in line with this way of thinking. Taking items that would otherwise fill a landfill and pollute the earth and turning them into nutrients that will feed the soil and feed you, for free. Some people pay inordinate sums of money via fertilizers and additives on their home gardens to achieve results that they could replicate if they simply took the time to compost. If you're not doing it, there's really not much stopping you. While having a bin, turning your compost, and layering and balancing your nitrogen and carbon items creates the ideal conditions for compost you really don't need to do anything more than throw everything into a pile somewhere on your lawn and nature will basically take care of the rest. See google for more options.
       

 Another "possible" goal is getting rid of my lawn. I don't understand western society's obsession with Kentucky Bluegrass (no not the music, the species of grass that is grown universally across most of Europe and North America). I hate this plant, and I don't say that lightly. The amount of time and money that is spent on supporting this species is utterly ridiculous when it should never exist in the first place; it is quite frankly alien, invasive, and utterly useless. Grass requires heavy watering (at a time when drought is a very real threat), heavy fertilizing (that contaminates our ground water as well as our rivers and lakes), needs routine cutting (which means spending time and typically gasoline to maintain it's look), offers no food or habitat to bees or other wildlife, has no flowers or attractive colors, and ultimately offers no real use or benefit to mankind or the earth. Yet in every city, from the desert yards of Utah, to the local parks of South Dakota, to the highways of Virginia, you will find this plant grown, supported, and maintained, for no apparent reason other than tradition and social normalcy. What's worse is that when I was in Mexico this phenomenon has caught on. People trying to grow grass in places where it is near physically impossible without continual human support and intervention for the sole reason of having the appearance of wealth. Just think of how much money and water we would save if we didn't have grass. Now think of how much beauty and life could be fostered if we simply let grass be overtaken by native plants or decided to plant a garden or wildflowers instead. There is a crisis right now with a shortage of bees which among other things has been linked to a lack of habitat and food. Many people don't realize that the fate of the bee and man are intrinsically linked as bees pollinate nearly 1/3 of our food crops - apples, avocados, almonds, cucumbers, onions, strawberries, cherries, cranberries, carrots, and many more cannot reproduce and feed us without our insect friends. So what am I doing about it and what can you do about it. Overseed your lawn with clover instead - it's drought resistant, grows to about six inches in length and then ceases to grow, produces attractive blooms, fixes nitrogen into the soil thus fertilizing itself, feeds honeybees and other wildlife, and is just more attractive in general. Or you can simply let your lawn grow. Sure the first few years will be rough, probably full of some "weeds" and other unattractive species attempting to reclaim and resurrect the land but after a few years you'll have the first stages of a forest, or a meadow, or of whatever is supposed to be there. As far as I'm concerned the only place grass should be is in the football stadium or soccer field. Just let it grow, who are you fooling, you never enjoyed mowing your lawn anyway!

Strawberries

           My last recent "possible" goal is the start of a vegetable garden on one part of my giant lawn. I read up on all the different techniques and strategies undertaken for gardens from tilled row gardening, to raised bed square foot gardening, to sheet mulching with companion plants. I eventually settled on the cheapest and longest lasting method I could find on the internet, the hugelkultur method. Hugelkultur is German for "mound culuture" and it is a gardening style that has been used successfully for centuries in eastern Germany and is just now being realized for its ingenuity and simplicity. Hugelkultur in it's simplest form is burying a pile of logs in soil and then planting atop this pile or mound. Taken to it's extreme you can add in layers of cardboard, leaves, grass clippings, compost, and straw in a pattern leading to hugels as tall as six feet. The advantages of this style are that you are creating more surface area in your garden thus gaining more yield per square foot but more importantly once established you have little to no watering or fertilizing for the foreseeable future. The hugel attempts to mimic the natural forest floor with the buried logs slowly rotting and giving off important nutrients over the course of years while also serving to store water during rainy periods and slowly releasing this water to the mound during dry periods. An effectively constructed hugel can remain untouched for twenty years and yield better results than more intensive forms of gardening like your typical raised beds or row gardens that need attention every week. So I now have some 30 square feet of hugels only about two feet high planted with an array of herbs and vegetables. In the future I'd like to put more thought into what I plant and where I plant it but seeing as how I entered the gardening season a little late I'll be happy just to see something grow! I want to get to the point where through canning, drying, and a root cellar I'll be able to provide my own produce year round but like I said before; all in good time. 

           I'm in new territory; socially, mentally, and physically. I'm surrounded by farm fields littered with the stalks of last years corn crop. Now as I write this paragraph the land has been tilled and the new corn seedlings are already emerging. Soybean, corn, wheat; those three crops account for nearly 3/4 of what is grown across the entire US and the demographics in Wisconsin don't look much different. Much like the phenomenon of Kentucky Bluegrass, Americans are fixated on a few species that require heavy intervention and heavy machinery to attain yields. Call it tradition, call it comfort, call it government subsidies, call it the demand of the market, call it just getting by, whatever the case I hope to be doing something different on this property with the tillable acreage in a few years time. As I walk my land I come across a single red tulip in a sea of grass. The symbolism strikes me. I hope that'll be me; offering some beauty and diversity of life, in a place where mono-cultural homogeneity is all that I can see.  

        There are many things I do not know, but what I do know is that I have dreams... dreams of sweet dripping honey, of black soil between my hands, of colorful wildflowers on a forest floor for as far as the eye can see, of a babbling brook off in the distance... she ain't much right now and truth be told this property has already broken me down and made me scream in anger more than once these past few weeks... the journey won't be easy, but then again anything worth doing hardly ever is. For all the cursing to the gods that has taken place here I have had an equal number of instances where I was screaming with joy and laughter at the sweet victories that I have achieved. Turning my faucet and getting water, feeling the heat come through the vents of my furnace, eating my first breakfast on my porch in the morning sun, witnessing a pair of cranes forage in the wetlands while a flock of red winged black birds alighted on the cattails around me, the construction of the hugels and the first life emerging from them, and the realization that I finally have a place to call home. I've seen most of this country and no doubt I will continue to travel and seek out those special places and make friends and memories along the way but there comes a time when a man needs to put some roots in the ground both literally and figuratively. I'm done searching for Eden, I'm ready to start creating it.